Tennessee

W.W.A.J.D.?

The spookiest, most offbeat story I can think of is the fraying fabric of a united America. Are you shaking in your boots yet?

This tale begins with the American Oligarchy uncurling their long, pointy fingers from a dark corner, summoning you (whites only, though) to JOIN (a church) OR DIE (burning in hell losers who couldn’t afford health care).

Next, a Trumpian Two Minutes Hate at a Muslim “Boogeyman” while a Golem formed from systematic machismo lurks behind every window, every door; separating wives from husbands, and turning friend against friend (an estimated one in 14 reporting they have lost friends over the election).

Beyond the sheer terror of a crumbling separation of Church and State, another horrifying outcome from Trump’s rise to power is his comparison to Tennessee’s own, Andrew Jackson.

On the surface, the two have some things in common:

  • Insane hair
  • Temper
  • Land deals/real estate
  • Campaigned on a rigged system/corruption in Washington
  • Won by Electoral Vote
  • The Hermitage/Mar-a-Lago
  • Can hold a hell of a grudge
  • Reputations based on 20 years before presidency
  • Employed “terrorism” as justification for White Nationalism (Indian Removal Act/Muslim Ban)
  • The “common man” who voted for them suffer(ed) the most (Jackson’s Bank closure which led to the Panic of 1837 to Trump’s repeal of healthcare, tax cuts for the rich, impossible anti-globalist industry promises)

But here is where the real comparisons end friends. You see, Old Hickory is everything the Shitgibbon would like himself to be, but instead Trump is a Populist poseur. Sad!

AJ was actually a man of the people, not a faux champion for the working class. An orphan at an early age, Jackson inherited $300 and sent himself to law school. Both are “theoretical” self made men, but Trump is a marketing concept, a brand – a lie.

Jackson despised “big business” and although the Wolf in sheep’s clothing promised the American people he would “drain the swamp” it appears he is just replacing career politicians (READ: anyone with experience) with his big business cronies. Jackson was a “celebrated” war hero (depends on who you ask) who served in both the House and Senate before his road to the White House. He also co-wrote Tennessee’s Constitution. Trump’s qualifications: millionaire “deal-maker”which has many questioning if he has even read the constitution.

Jackson was a unifier of the American people (unless you were Native). When South Carolina began secessionist talk, Jackson raised an army and threatened that secession meant war. Under Jackson’s presidency, popular vote TRIPLED as he grew democracy in America. To contrast, Stephen Miller’s cries on voter fraud will lead to more voter suppression.

Image result for stephen miller mr burns

Jackson was a man who believed in honor and behaving honorably, while the Donald and his goons can’t stop embarrassing themselves on an International scale. Jackson was the first and only President to get the U.S. out of debt vs. Trump whose proposal to build a 26.1 billion border wall is  not only costly to the American taxpayers, but irresponsible, and dangerous.

No, the orange-faced Scooby Doo villain with the vocabulary of a fourth grader it turns out is NOT like Jackson where it counts, even though Steve Bannon and Giuliani are trying to force that conclusion.

So, what would Andrew Jackson do about Donnie baby? I think he’d ask him to walk ten paces and turn…

Advertisements

Demon Weave

You’ve got to love the local news. Channel 4 WSMV’s recent coverage of DEMONIC HAIR WEAVE in Memphis is just the type of groundbreaking journalism I have come to expect from my hometown.

Anyone with black girlfriends knows weave is crazy expensive, and like laundry detergent and pregnancy tests in my old hood, some people steal weave and sell it like drugs (see this interactive map of hair crimes). “To a lot of people, selling hair is like crack,” Tamika Broadnax said. “Everybody is spending money on hair. They’re spending $300-400.”

What started in earnest as an investigation to a spike in crime and tragic murders over hair theft, has transformed into a bizzare occult story.  It appears that many area people believe the case of the spike in hair crimes is due to hair that has been “cursed.” And for good cause. The hair in question comes from India, where many think that it was cursed in a religious hair cutting ritual called “tonsuring.”

I almost fell for it, but luckily News Channel 4 WSMV writes the sort of cutting edge statements that makes me question the truth when they reassure us that, “Dr. Adkins is doubtful demons would possess weaves and wigs.”

Whew! I was worried. And here I thought today would be boring… Welcome to Memphis y’all!

#demonweave
Read more: http://www.wsmv.com/story/31369978/demonic-weaves-believed-to-be-root-of-hair-crimes#ixzz41rNyeVvv

 

Straight Outta Carthage

advisory

1985 saw the rise of of hip hop and hair metal in the music charts, which terrified mothers across the country. One woman decided to do something about it, and her name was Tipper Gore. Tipper, wife of former VP Al Gore of Carthage, TN; created the Parents Resource Music Center (PRMC) which is responsible for the Parent Advisory stickers on every single CD I ever ordered on Columbia House when I was 11 years old.

She, along with several other women whose husbands were in politics formed their own gang, “the Washington Wives,” and set out on their quest to shelter each man, woman, and child’s ears from offensive lyrics about sex, dope and any other Bible sin.

It started small with the Filthy 15 (Wikipedia) which they coined as “porn rock”:

1 Prince “Darling Nikki”
2 Sheena Easton “Sugar Walls”
3 Judas Priest “Eat Me Alive”
4 Vanity “Strap On ‘Robbie Baby'”
5 Mötley Crüe “Bastard”
6 AC/DC “Let Me Put My Love Into You”
7 Twisted Sister “We’re Not Gonna Take It”
8 Madonna “Dress You Up”
9 W.A.S.P. “Animal (Fuck Like a Beast)”
10 Def Leppard “High ‘n’ Dry (Saturday Night)”
11 Mercyful Fate “Into the Coven”
12 Black Sabbath “Trashed”
13 Mary Jane Girls “In My House”
14 Venom “Possessed”
15 Cyndi Lauper “She Bop”

Before the stickers were put into place, the Senate held a hearing where the “offending” porn rock musicians could come to say their piece. Dee Snider from Twisted Sister, Frank Zappa and John Denver showed up to fight against censorship. But we all know how that turned out…

The Washington Wives couldn’t stop there. They needed real live maryrs and created a modern day witch hunt based on their wacky lore.

As a trippy hippie leftover from the 70’s, Tipper and her girls were also concerned about subliminal messages in songs – especially when played backwards. None more plagued by the witch hunt was Judas Priest, who were blamed for the deaths of two teenagers. The two kids reportedly shot themselves after listening to Judas Priest and the going theory was because there were subliminal messages in the lyrics telling the kids to commit suicide.

Here’s a fun list with videos of all songs with allegedly satanic messaging in them when played backwards:

Here’s To My Sweet Satan: The 15 Creepiest Backwards Messages In Classic Rock

The 80’s were such an interesting time. Cocaine is a hell of a drug…

R.I.P. Fort Nashboro

It is with a tear that Nashville bids farewell to Fort Nashborough today.  The Fort, which may or may not have any historical significance whatsoever, was scheduled to be torn down and then re-built as a part of the $100 million Flood Wall project proposed by the Mayor.

The project lost backing by Metro Council, but the demolition of Fort Nashborough was never cancelled.

Now, I’m not here to argue the fort’s place in history, but to eulogize a place that was special to me as a child through adulthood. I recall field trips to Fort Nashborough, and although I have no memory of what they told us, I just remember being enchanted by the place.  I would fantasize about living there and having a riverfront view.

Even last week I walked the Germantown Greenway onto Gay Street and stopped at Fort Nashborough to keep my childhood dream alive of one day prancing around in a robe with a bowl of popcorn, standing in the center of the fort laughing at the outside world.

Please share your memories in the comments below. I have the feeling that this one is gone forever…

Picture stolen from some guy who stole it from his friend on the East Nashville Facebook page

Picture stolen from some guy who stole it from his friend on the East Nashville Facebook page

The Parlow’s of Alamo, TN

This photo is the only evidence of this mystery clock that I can find anywhere.  Has anyone heard of this clock before?

Partlow clockWhile trying to find out more about the clock and the Parlows I came across this obituary for N.W.’s son Oscar. I had someone special pass away just days ago and the deceased’s step daughter-in-law and I discussed how the obituary, while lovely and concise, was missing a certain poetry.

This obituary embodies exactly this lost art; the refined elegance of a legacy in words that tells a (his)story all it’s own. How noble this young man sounds:

IN MEMORY OF OSCAR PARLOW: That death selects a shining mark, was verified last Sunday afternoon, June 23rd, 1912, when the Angel of Death entered the home of N. W. Parlow and called his son, Oscar, to his reward in heaven. He was the youngest child of Mr. and Mrs. Parlow, and was just budding into manhood when the summons came. Oscar possessed many virtues of the highest type, and was truly a man of courage, meeting every obligation of life bravely, and when the death summons came, he said, “I am asleep.” He was a loving, tender and devoted son, brother and friend. O, how hard to give up one so young and precious as was Oscar to us all. We see his grief-stricken parents traveling along this rugged path of life without the trong arms of affection of Oscar. He was always cheerful, had a kind word for everyone, especially father and mother. During his month of illness, not one word of complaint was he heard to murmur. How we miss the smiling face. There is a vacant chair that no one can ever fill and broken hearts that only God can mend. We no longer can hear his voice on earth. He was always ready to speak, a comforting word to the lonely ones. We would say, weep not as those who have no hopes, but live to honor God’s word that you may be worthily accounted of the crown that Oscar is wearing now. Only time can make us understand that he is now enjoying his rich reward for a life of service for the Master. A peaceful life with work well done is his. May the Lord bless the bereaved ones and save us all in heaven.

Prehistoric Tennessee

I know I talk a lot of bullshit on this page, but here’s something that is absolutely true: During the Paleozoic period, Tennessee was covered by a warm shallow sea.  The sea was home to my favorite pre-dinosaur – the trilobite, along with corals and more sea creatures that today is mind blowing to think about living in the Volunteer State.

You may have collected Indian Money as a kid (I still do). To me, they are even more special to find than a shark’s tooth while combing the mud or the sand because Indian money is actually a 245-750 million year old fossil of a crinoid.

indian money

Crinoids are echnoderms (think sea urchins, star fish, sea cucumbers, sand dollars, etc.). Also known as sea lilies, they look a bit more like plants than animals.  The Paleozoic crinoids that lived in Tennessee thrived in shallow waters and tide pools. Although you will not find crinoids living in the murky, warm waters of Old Hickory lake, they are not extinct. Crinoids of today live in deep sea but rarely wash ashore.

The next time you’re out by the Harpeth River dig your toes into the mud and see what comes up. You just might find a piece of history.

Hank Williams Wuz Here

Hank Williams is the South’s very own George Washington who slept, ate, and even died all over the place. The night of his death is still a much disputed bar game where everyone likes to argue what they think really happened.  People will tell you that he ate his last meal in Bristol, VA at a place called Burger Bar but others think that he wouldn’t have wanted to eat after being shot up with morphine by a Doctor in Knoxville (after the chloral hydrate and all the booze he had already had), and that his last words really may have been that he did not want anything. It’s more probable that his chauffeur was eating a burger from Burger Bar as Williams died. And actually, there may (?) not have even been a Burger Bar at that time.

And where did he die? We know for sure that it was somewhere between Knoxville, TN and Oak Hill, WV but the exact location is impossible to know. Was it the morphine, the combo, or just bad luck? His reported cause of death “insufficiency of the right ventricle of the heart” but he could have just been done.

Nevertheless; he died the modern day seafarer’s death which has a beauty all its own – on the road.

What is certain is that his life was in decline as he started down his own lost highway to Canton, OH. It was New Years Eve, 1952 (heading into 1953): An ice storm caused his show in Charleston, WV to cancel so Charles Carr began driving Williams to his next show at the Windsor Theater in Canton. They stopped in Knoxville at the Andrew Johnson hotel to get Dr. Morphine, then at Burger Bar in Bristol (113 miles from Knoxville), and then again at a gas station in Oak Hill, WV (157 miles) where Carr discovered Williams was dead.

And perhaps it was his traveling spirit that keeps him around.  There are more stories than I can count of people who have seen his ghost either as him or a white mist at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville.  He is also active in the alley behind the Lower Broadway Honky Tonks in Nashville that back up to the Ryman’s backstage exit, thehallways in the Andrew Johnson Hotel in Knoxville, the Tyree Funeral Home where his body was autopsied, and homes and honky tonks all over the South.

Have YOU seen him?